I hate to see your understanding of this process and communication with your lawyer not being clear. The way I understand it, the divorce is a lawsuit. You are now being sued by your husband for divorce (dissolution of marriage). You can’t just change this to your liking. You are now the respondent and have to comply with the legal demands of the suit. He is divorcing you, whether you like it the way he is doing it or not. It really doesn’t matter who is the plaintiff. It’s a matter of your pride as to how you feel about this now, and I do understand how it hurts.

A $400/hr lawyer is not a cheap lawyer. It sounds to me like you paid him a $500 retainer and additional work is at that hourly rate.