Why does it have to be so much easier to just numb the pain with drinks... numb the pain with pills and the needle. I want it so bad. I need it. My head is spinning and it's telling me I need this... I need something to make it go away.

Then my heart says no, I can't... think of my loved ones, think of all of that... if I do it it'll be hurting them and me... it'll make me feel guilty.

I'm shaking I want it so bad. The feeling. Just to make everything go away. I know I have some in the house. I want to be strong and say no to it.
So hard to stay strong.