I've been pondering this issue of outside contact for some time.

Recently it all came to the forefront when my T wanted to refer me out because she was feeling ineffectual (and somewhat overwhelmed by my case). It was a huge rupture and led me to take a step back. The "spell" was broken. I saw her for who she is (a very good hired therapist) and it scared the heck out of me. I was living under a (self-imposed) spell that maybe she could love me like no parent ever had. I was also blindsided because she is usually the most caring, gentle, soothing, and responsive therapist I have ever known.

I suddenly realized that despite all her amazing attributes as a T...she's not my mother (seems obvious, but yeah). This led me to the conclusion that I can not safely put all my fragile little attachment eggs into someone else's basket. Perhaps if I'd had a good-enough mother she could help hold them for me (then again, if I'd had a good-enough mother I wouldn't be in this predicament in the first place).

Bottom line: I'm an adult, so I have to hold the little eggs myself now. I can get lots of help from therapists- but I still have to be the primary caregiver to my own wants and needs.

Anyway, long story short- I'm trying to eliminate most outside contact in order to lessen my overwhelming attachment and strengthen/empower myself between sessions. I now have two therapists who allow outside contact (one less enthusiastic about it than the other), but I've recently set a personal boundary for myself around it. I am not reaching out to them unless it's scheduling related or a true crisis. I currently have three sessions per week (soon to be reduced to 2x week) so if I am NOT able to contain, cope and comfort myself in between sessions then I probably do need a higher level of care.

Which has led me to take a hard look at myself and decide if I can really function and cope between sessions without contact. My most recent reaching out was out of "wants" not "needs". Not to minimize my wanting and seeking connection, but I realize now that it's not crucial for my survival. In the past it may have been crucial (and there have been periods where I probably should've been inpatient, but my Ts stuck with me and got me through it on an outpatient basis). It might also be crucial again in the future, but at the moment it's more of a comfort than a life-line.

Do I want to contain and comfort myself? That's a hard no. I want my T to help me. Can I do it? I think so. Not that it's easy...it's so incredibly difficult and the parts of me that are stuck in attachment trauma hell are often activated and desperate. But I'm really trying to focus on taking care of them between session and I am actually feeling stronger for it.

It's also helpful that this is a boundary I am setting for myself (not a T telling me I can't contact them). If this boundary were forced upon me by my T then this would be a different and more difficult situation.

Sorry for the long and rambling post. Just my own experience and may not resonate with anyone else.