So we had another session that went somewhat better. She says that these last few weeks she’s been seeing a “part” of me that she hadn’t seen before. I will concede that such a thing is possible. The way I’ve expressed anger and hurt has probably been different from what she’s previously experienced. Irritable. Argumentative. Unyielding.

I asked her yesterday if we could not use parts language for the time being, that I’m still actually one integrated human and I’m not so fragile that I cannot consider my sometimes immature behaviours or reactions without speaking of myself in third person. I see the utility of Parts and have really leaned in to the notion, but, like, enough right now.

She said it seems like I’m constantly finding fault with her. (This might not be a perfect retelling. I don’t remember the exact sequence and I might be leaving out some details.) I said I was leery of fighting more.

We got into an entirely useless back and forth about whether she was only being different because I was being different. I felt saying we were saying,

“You started it!”

“No you started it!”

And I wanted to yell for mom because she was making me cry because she’s older and was rules-lawyering me and I was getting confused.

Finally I was able to point to something that had happened earlier in the session, where I was trying to explain something and she kind of ran off on a tangent explaining me to myself and getting it wrong.

“Hey remember when I said xyz?”

She affirmed that she remembered.

“Well normally you’d have said, ‘how do you feel about that?’ or ‘what’s that like for you?’ or some other open-ended invitation to talk more about it. But you didn’t. Because something has changed. I find it distressing because I don’t recognize you. So I might say something that you experience as obnoxious or argumentative.

And it was like after everything, something finally clicked I think. Her demeanour changed and I think she understood what I was trying to tell her. The session was over though, so a lot remains to be seen.

I was much calmer and clearer for having discussed with you guys here first. I’m really grateful to you. Thanks.