Everyone leaves. They've got their own support group, their peeps, their fam. I give my all and feel too much for those with whom I interact.

I can't shake off this feeling that something ominous is going to happen and I'll wake up the next day and whomever I've been talking to will just ghost me. It's so ingrained in the back of my head. I kinda feel like ending it myself.

I can't stand the silence. I don't mean the silence of being a homebody and a pariah. I mean the silence of not talking feelings through. Of not speaking the words.

I don't understand feelings. Am I blind? My therapist gave me a seemingly endless list of feelings & emotions — I leafed through it and ended up feeling consternation.

I feel at ease when others talk, when I can listen, and share something of myself. I am happy when others open up. But when words stop being used, and people resort to the everyday trivial convo, generic texting, the "how's-it-going-no-wait-don't-answer-it's-a-reflex" line and the never-ending brainless share-the-memes scroll, I lose it. I feel the person drifting away.

And I know people will say you can't have it all, or that there will be moments when you can' be as "deep", but I digress.

It's this stupid all-or-nothing condition. Can anyone relate?

TLDR: I'm needing advice since I'm stuck in a rut and hurt too much. I want to know if others relate to what I'm going through