Today at 1:30pm would have been my normal time with L. I just am besides myself. It's hurting so bad today. Part of me just wants to end it all. She can easily replace me. She's proven that. I am so angry at her. I don't see this getting any better. I know she has me booked for 5 months AND she still gave away my spot. 1:30pm is going to be so hard for me. I'll forever remember it as a betrayal. It's like when H bought me a huge teddy bear to say he's sorry for lying to me. Now that stupid bear always reminds me he's a liar.

We're supposed to talk about it today, but I'm thinking of canceling.