Hey,
About 3 years ago I started amphetamines and now it's been an addiction for about 2 years. I used to take it everyday, 1 to 5 pills. There are terrible side effects, like depression, lack of motivation, anxiety, psychotic thoughts, etc. I stopped 2 times, and the last time that I stopped I was so sure that I would never touch that again. I stopped December til tuesday this week.

The thing is, my boyfriend also have a problem with that substance. Last time we stopped together in December I was so sure that this time was the right time. But he started doing it again, Monday this week. I told him that it was not a good idea but he just won't listen.. but it's hard not to touch it when somebody I live with, take it.. Also when we're taking this drug our relationship doesn't go so well. He was violent with me a few times and our relationship was toxic. (But when we weren't taking it everything was ok)
I just feel so lost. I'm really not proud of me and I feel so sad because I thought that I will never touch it again. Everyday since Tuesday I tell myself I won't take one, but I always loose the battle. And it's always because it's right in front of me and my boyfriend does it.. I tried talking to him that it's no good for him and for us but he doesn't understand. I think that when you really want to stop you have to do it for yourself first so that's why he's not listening to me. I've told my mother that my boyfriend is on drugs again but I lied about myself. I told her that I'm doing it again, so I feel desperate. I can't keep on lying to family and lying to others.. I just want a normal life. I've lost so many years of my life because I did drugs and I'm not where I wanted to be at this age. (I'm 22). Also yesterday I took the subway and I had severe anxiety because of that, thinking that everybody was looking at me and scared that someone would talk to me. I also had an appointment with my social worker and everytime he asked me a question, I freezed and I couldn't process what he was saying. My brain litteraly can't take it anymore. I need help but I just don't know what to do, I feel so sad.

I wanted to write this here because I have no one to talk to about my addiction. And everytime I try to talk to someone about it, I'm scared that they'll judge me. Even my social worker.