No, I still get to see her twice a week. I don't get my time slot back, but I don't want it now anyways. I feel it's been tainted.

I get what you're all saying logically. I understand logically. She has other clients, she's private practice, she has a wait list (which I didn't know), etc, etc. It's the feelings I'm struggling with. L is very caring/loving and committed to me. Again, logically I know this. In order to fit me into her schedule, she's working days and times she usually doesn't. She has gone above and beyond for me in ways I dont even post on here. She always fits me in, unlimited emails, unlimited 20min phone calls, allows my dog, sits on the floor with me, does a scrapbook with me, let me borrow her blanket indefinitely, has given me presents and transitional objects, lets me give her presents, doesn't freak out on me, hugs me, holds my hand, does question and answers, discloses some, allows me to see her in-person, is validating, unconditionally loves me, reassures me as much as I need, knows how to calm me down/ground me, is patient, etc, etc, etc. (Tuesday I gave her a jar with 50 little notes on why I love her, so the list goes on...).

AND I feel rejected. Both/And as L likes to call it. I'm allowed to have both logic and feeling parts, they're allowed to contradict. I'm allowed to have contrasting feelings too. I love her AND I'm angry at her. I know she's committed to me AND I feel betrayed by her. I want to cling to her AND I want to push her away. It's not either/or. It's grey.