I'm trying to figure out what the heck is wrong with me. Alright, well I already know I'm depressed, that's a given BUT in recent months new things have been popping up. For example, I've started to lose a grip on time and reality.
Let me explain: Everything is lacking a certain 'reality' to it. I often have to stop and think, "Did that really just happen?" Not in the "Oh my God! I can't believe this just happened! Best thing ever! YEAH BABY!" way. It's the, "Am I actually awake?" kind. When I ride home from school everyday, I stop for a second and honestly ask myself, "Did I go to school? What have I been doing all day?" I know I've attended school and gone through the motions of a "normal" school day but it DOES NOT FEEL LIKE I DID. Even things I did/said minutes ago feel like veryveryvery distant memories.

I "zone out" too much for my own good and often tune everything out. Today in class, I was zoning and staring at the carpet and slowly, the sounds and surroundings started to melt away and all I could see was the carpet and-this is going to sound crazy- but it looked like it was breathing. (I wasn't on drugs by the way.)

I'm very restless in my current state and am trying to find out who I am but that's a normal teenage thing. Although, trying to find myself seems to cause me a lot of turmoil and heartache. Often, I just feel hopeless and like no one understands me. They really don't though, I don't have any friends who I can talk to about this. They're all happy. It sucks. I'm the "crazy friend".

I feel very isolated, even though I'm surrounded by people most of the time.

Whenever I'm acting confidant or outgoing, I'm freaking out and having a breakdown on the inside.
I'm confused.

I was wondering if I had a dissociative disorder or if anything I described here was similar to any of your experiences. I just want to get help so I can start living again.