I agree with this. I'm also very sensitive to rejection and abandonment and have had seemingly minor things my T has done really affect me (not that I'm saying giving away your slot was minor, of course).

Like in a recent session, he just seemed to contradict everything I said, was pushing me to do things I didn't want to do (like pushing hard), and also was very negative about the couple things I was feeling positive about. I signed off from session and started sobbing. When I emailed, I mentioned I'd had feelings of rejection and abandonment, like he'd suddenly turned off the support. And how I knew that maybe didn't make sense, but it was the best way to describe the emotions I had.

In session yesterday, he went through and explained why he had said each thing. And it all made total sense to me then, but I was also thinking more logically. He was also understanding about how it affected me, that it was more everything together rather than one single thing. And I feel OK about things now.

But the fact that I had such a strong reaction made me realize that it's not just about him. Something in me was triggered, and it felt like stuff from childhood. It's something I think we need to examine more next week. And also, as he mentioned yesterday, points to black and white thinking that I tend to do, like, "OK, now he has turned off the support, and it's gone forever." As opposed to "OK, we had one off session, let's see how the next one goes."

Sorry for going on so much about myself there. But I think it kind of relates to what you're going through, Scarlet. And your realizing that it's likely about something else, not the slot itself, is important and could help lead to tackling other key issues in therapy. I'm sorry you were so upset and so triggered--I'm glad you were able to get a double session and didn't have to be hospitalized. But maybe in a way it's good that L saw firsthand how affected you were? Because it could help her understand more and help you.