I'm new here and hoping to find some help. My husband had been diagnosised with Borderline Personality Disorder among other things. In October of 2006 I suspected he was talking with other women. I caught him on the phone one night and we had a blowout. He promised he would stop calling. Then I found he had a profile on an internet dating site. The emails I found were heartbreaking. When I confronted him he swore he would close his account. More accounts, more confrontations. The day he came back from a "3 hour walk" I hounded him until he showed me his email account and then read an email from the woman he had spent the 3 hours with. That is when I asked him to leave. I know he has had several relationships since then. I have chosen to forgive him, although I have to recomit to that often. ( thank God for His grace!!!) He swears he is going to get better and come back for me, but how do I go back? My confusion is that I have been told that to a certain extent, the infidelities can be attributated to his illness. But the pain and betrayal I feel is very real and, even after forgiveness, the thought of living happily ever after makes me want to puke! (sorry!)

Any advice out there?