Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes
rdgrad15, often the regret comes from needing to vent and ending up venting to another person who simply doen't know how to respond.
I had to help my daughter understand that when she liked this boy in highschool and he would call her and he did not talk. I told her how to handle that was to prepare a list of things she could ask him to help him learn how to talk to her. So that is what she did with him and she came to me and told me "it worked". That boy NEVER forgot her and every year for YEARS he would call her just after the strike of midnight to wish her a happy birthday and be the first to wish her a happy birthday. Well, his parents were divorced and all about themselves and never really talked to him so that was a skill he simply did not develop.
It isn't that your needs don't deserve to be heard when that happens, it's typically more about how the other person doesn't have the skills needed to sit and listen.
Then there are the types of people that need all the attention to revolve around them. There again that individual prefers your attention to revolve more around them which can contribute to uncomfortable feelings, but also that too is all that person knows.
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Yeah that actually makes sense. Basically after venting or opening up to a certain person, you may realize that you shouldn't have opened up to that specific person after seeing how they handled it. That is an amazing story you used, that is good that your daughter was able to help him talk. Yeah it can be hard for people to open up and some people can ruin it. You may be brave at one point and open up, only to realize that the person either doesn't know how to handle it or doesn't care. I once knew someone in college who would shut down if you mentioned anything about a funeral.
Happened a couple times where I had to attend a funeral, luckily I wasn't too close to those who died, but when I told a certain person I was going to a funeral, she would avoid me or at least not talk to me. Didn't even talk about the death, just simply stated that I was at a funeral. In fact, the second time, I tried to not tell her where I was, but she kept asking so I eventually caved in and told her through text and she didn't text me for the rest of the day. Really made me realize that she was one of those people who I couldn't open up to. I would think, wow, if I lost someone super close to me, she would be no help at all. She belonged to the second group of people you mentioned where she had to be the center of attention since she was a bad listener towards many people. I know people like that unfortunately.