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Originally Posted by seeker33
I think if I start repeating affirmations which I don't believe it's only going to make me feel much more miserable. Besides, I don't see the point - if something is true, why keep repeating it like a parrot? If something isn't true then repeating it is a lie.
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I'm not keen on affirmations either. I want to believe things because I'm convinced they're true, not because I brainwashed myself into believing them. Also. by trying to bulldose over that tiny scared voice that says 'but it's not true', I just re-affirm that it is wrong, that
I'm wrong and I just trigger a cascading loop of feeling horrible for feeling horrible.
However, precisely because being told something a great number of times might make one believe it even when it's not true, if you're told a lot of horrible things by bullies then you're bound to end up with false negative beliefs about yourself. So I think identifying and challenging those would be a good idea.
For me, there are a few things that I'm reasonably certain about
rationally but still feel otherwise. Like, a childhood trauma not being my own fault even though by adult standards I was being stupid, because back then I wasn't in fact supposed to know better, because children can't reasonably be expected to know better. But I still blame myself to an extent, although less than I used to, and even getting to that
less took a lot of work (none of it was parroting affirmations, though).
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I'm working on my weight and exercise, I've lost weight and working with a dietitian so that's helpful. But concerning my entire appearance and self esteem, my therapist isn't really helpful and basically all she pushes is affirmations. Only last Friday she suggested I do more self care for self esteem but before that (a few weeks ago) she said that if people don't practice self care (makeup, shopping new clothes) then most other people won't like them. She made it sound like if I won't start wearing makeup I can't expect anyone to like me. It really crushed me.
Like... I know it's true but it hurt me even more than before when she confirmed my worst insecurities. She didn't say anything new to me, but it coming out of her mouth sounded so cruel.
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Ouch, that sounds pretty horrible, and something to talk about with her. Is there a chance she didn't mean it that way? I mean, even if she did, there certainly
are people who will like others without makeup
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The problem isn't in my head, like body dysmorphia. The issue is being hurt by other people... Externally.
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Well yes, your eyes looking Asian or not, your height to weight ratio being in the ideal range or not are measurable facts. Prejudice against looking Asian or being overweight or just sticking out too much in general are also sad facts of life. But there's nothing objectively
wrong with looking Asian or being overweight, or being impaired or even disabled, as far as I can tell, whereas there's a
lot wrong with acting out of prejudice or bullying. If anyone implies you're somehow inferior for looking or moving like the way you do, the problem is with them, and if you find yourself believing them (which it sounds like you do?), then that belief would be a good one to challenge, because it seems obvious enough at least on a cognitive level that it isn't true.