Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966
Are you going back to him?
If it’s about his parents... reality is that you know his parents are getting older so it’s not something that will go away, then his mother would start getting more fragile. This could go on for years so he’ll be able to keep you hooked for awhile. Aging or sick parents is a reality. I am freaking out about my dad all the time and ge isn’t even sick and generally doing great but still I am freaking out, so it’s normal. He isn’t around them though so he is not involved in care giving. And even after covid slows down he’d not see them much because he just can’t afford it. He’d need your pay check for that. He’ll milk it for years to come
As about you leaning on him for support with your job. When you were married he wasn’t much of a support with anything like that, you often couldn’t even share much with him. So it will be back to square on as soon as you are back with him.
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Thanks @
divine1966.
NO - I am definitely not going back to him. That's not it. I felt ensnared into his family drama all over again. Perhaps "drama" is the wrong word - I got ensnared and sucked into worrying about his dad's health all over again, worrying about whether he would live through yet another hospitalization and illness and then subsequently, worrying about my husband's well being as a result.
You're right - this will go on for a long time coming, and this could be another way for him to keep me hooked and attached.
I don't know how to disengage from these types of emergency life and death situations. I will have to figure out how to disentangle myself and create stronger boundaries. I cannot continue to be his go-to emotional support person forever. It has to end... perhaps as soon as we are officially divorced.
And yes, if I continue to be the main support, I know it's inevitable that he will ask me for money to fly down and visit his parents. I CANNOT be that person anymore - that's where I absolutely have got to draw the line.
I leaned on him about my work situation in a moment of desperation and sheer weakness.... I was a puddle and a total wreck on Friday. He was actually far more supportive than he normally has been, but it's probably all a part of his wooing act to stop me from divorcing him. ARGH.
More manipulation. I'm too soft hearted, too compassionate, and far too easily swayed into caring. When you're a nice person, it makes it all that much more difficult. It's not a part of my DNA or wiring to be cold and distant. I don't know how to be.