I’m sorry. That sounds really painful. I don’t think there’s one thing that works for everyone. The problem with affirmations is not just that they can feel silly but that they can straight up serve as fodder for your inner critic.

I have slooooowly been working through some stuff around self-compassion (you can check out the book by that title by Kristen Neff and there’s a lot of mindfulness stuff around it too) that might be helpful. Also Sonya Renee Taylor’s work on Radical Self Love might resonate with you.

Finally, is it possible that she was saying that you are worthy of self-care and that when you project that worthiness, it elicits a reaction in others? This can sound a bit like saying people won’t like you without makeup but it’s not the same. It’s saying that how you carry yourself and how you treat yourself sets an example for others. It also sets the bar for what kind of treatment you will accept from others.

It’s very deep work but it can start with a haircut and a commitment to make eye contact.