So I'm still mad at L, but this time it's for how she handled the crisis. She told me in the middle of my breakdown that she's taking away daily reminder emails soon. And I'm also mad at her for threatening hospitalization. I feel manipulated, coerced, forced? to chose between a double session and hospitalization. Plus, her demeanor changed during the crisis. She wasn't calm and collected L. She seemed scared, frustrated, and impatient.

We will talk more about this in Wednesday's session.

Is this how "deep" therapy works? You constantly get triggered and have to work through it. If so, I'm exhausted. I don't know if I can keep dealing with these ruptures. I love L, and I know she's a good therapist. But I'm not sure I can do this.