Wow, that sounds awful! I'm really sorry you suffer this way. I couldn't imagine feeling that much pressure from strangers. You are brave to open up here and tell your story. I hope you continue to seek help so you can get some relief from your burden. I know how it feels to be damaged from your childhood. I have found alot of help here and with therapists. Some days, though, I just wish it would all go away. Hang in there! You are stronger than most people to fight back!