You know, I feel like I learned how to handle this the hard way. My first/main therapist does deep relational work, and it was very helpful and emotionally satisfying until it became a nightmare (her enforcing new boundaries that didn't seem fair or collaborative to me, mostly). I left therapy with her for a while to do some of the newer trauma things with somebody else (EMDR, DBT, and a little IFS thrown in there). I think it is helping reduce the reactivity in my brain so I can do the "deep" work again. My first therapist became a trigger for me, which is pretty awful, and I needed EMDR to help put out all the fires in my brain that were being reignited. (Not my fault or your fault that the fires exist -- they are a consequence of trauma.) So if this feels intolerable with L right now, maybe you need something like that? With trauma, the body keeps the score, and when you bump into things that feel like the original relational trauma (which is bound to happen in the therapeutic relationship), you often can't talk yourself out of being upset. That's just not how trauma gets encoded.