I think I have known that my father had acholic issues since I was little but actually admitting to myself and to others that this was the cause has taken me this long.
there was a lot of abuse from my father that was verbal, and physical that I'm still dealing with and coping with to this day.
I won't say that my father and his abuse was the main cause of PTSD but it was the beginning of my trauma and since then I've had a whole mess of trauma happen to me.
To the point of having CPTSD, its difficult for me to admit and realize that he does have this issue. But it actually makes sense because, I have memories of when I was in high school of him.
Attending my choir, concerts and almost ALWAYS when I saw him afterwards and gave him a hug. I would smell beer on his breath.
Because of the fact my father, is such a toxic person in my life, and continued to be so. I have thus since, cut off contact with.
it saddens me, but I also know that not having that in my life is probably the best thing for me.