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Originally Posted by Mountaindewed
I’m doing good today mental health wise. Physically I feel pretty off. I’m very tired despite a lot of caffeine. My pain isn’t too bad today. I just feel weird. I had my second to last therapy session today. I didn’t talk much until the last 10 minutes. I just told her routine stuff. The physical stuff that’s been going on. My moms vaccine yesterday. What I want her to tell the new therapist. I asked her to listen to my favorite song for me. The song I’ve been listening to every night for a couple of months. She said she’d try to remember. She asked me if there was anything that I specifically wanted to talk about before we end for good. And I told her that I was having feelings of transference since May but I always hoped that we’d be back to in person sessions so that’s why I was holding things off. Plus I just didn’t have the energy. She asked me what I would do if I had transference with the new therapist. I said I’d honestly be quite confused if that happened. She said transference can be a lot of different things. I wonder if I basically just admitted to her that I had a crush on her and that was the type of transference I was talking about. But maybe she already figured that out. Who knows. But I told her at least my mental health isn’t all out of whack like I thought it was. Basically today went fine. I’m down in the dumps but I don’t think it’s therapy related. But it could sort of be.
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I give you loads of credit for bringing up the transference, Mountaindewed. I wish she had said a lot more in response, though. I know she's correct that transference can be a lot of things, not just feelings of affection or hate, but you mentioning the affection here is a clue. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, if that's the case, and it may not mean exactly what you think.
If this current therapist does not bring up the topic of transference next time, I see that as a failing on her part. However, it is a topic you can talk about with your next therapist, regardless. Not that you will experience it with the next therapist, but to process what you felt with the last one. If some form of transference develops with your new therapist, hopefully she/he will discuss it more readily.
I understand transference very well, and had various types with various therapists. I have a transference love for my psychiatrist. He has never wanted to talk about it even though he's known for years. Instead, I talked about it with my therapists. In my case, I do believe there is a link between my transference for my psychiatrist and my late mother, but I do also just plain adore him as a person. Last night I accidentally forgot my video appointment with him. Hours after I realized I started to cry. I feel my sessions with him are nearing a close, after almost 14 years. Grief is already setting in. Just as you have stated that your therapist helped you realize important things about yourself, my psychiatrist walked with me through my long hard journey. That's something one never forgets. It's so significant! Thinking that I must say goodbye to him after not seeing him face-to-face since March is sadly cruel, but no ones fault.
Hugs to you during your transitions in life. You DO seem to be strong and well considering many factors. You do! I write this not to minimize your current and future struggles, but your strength needs recognition.
