I dislike dead ends. It's a good metaphor, thanks.

I've been on meds for 15 years and little success to show. People have told me that I'm broken and need fixing, or that the problem will get worse and there is nothing I can do. I believed them for too long that my behaviors changed. Last night, my mom commented that she only got to see me for too short of time. I want to tell her that those comments create guilt which feeds shame, and things need to change. Neither parent seems to think that tv and screens are bad, but it's distracting to cultivate a strong connection. And that I've learned bad habits from her and my dad regarding relationships and friendships. That if they put down their devices and took the time to let me speak without judgement would help all of us be stronger as a family. I haven't told them about any discoveries I've made in the last few months. Instead, I've isolated and kept it to myself allowing the shame to grow in the darkness.

And my stress level has increased and causing digestive issues. I'm miserable. Is like to talk with my t but when I use my phone for too long, my ears hurt. I don't know what to do, but I need to find my way through this crappy maze. My t is so busy that it will be another 7 days before the next appointment.