Great thread. I can't add anything new - pretty much everything I experience has been covered.

I make friend easily while hypomanic, people seem to like how I am at that time, and this makes me sad because it's not the real me.

I find people exhausting when I'm depressed, so while I've had some very lovely friends in my adult life, I just can't do the maintenence. Apart from my husband, I am no longer anyone's emergency contact because I just need to switch my phone off - A lot!

I am a devoted wife, my behaviour each day shows him that he's loved - but he too can be draining. I'm either feeling neglected because he doesn't respond to my repeated attempts at conversation, or I'm desperate for him to just go to bed! I don't ever say that to him, but I think it. Because I feel if I don't get some time alone soon I'm going to completely lose it.

I think my introverted personality plays a role. I'm not great in groups, I find them overwhelming. I know from experience that getting out an joining things is the best way to meet people and make friends.I feel just like, gawd, I just too old and too grumpy to do the group thing ever again.

I've attended zoom meetings where I just listen. And I enjoy podcasts and anything where people are having a dialogue and sharing on a deeper, more emotional level. This suprisingly goes a long way to meeting me social needs.

But in all honesty, I wish I could socialize like normal people. But threads like this make me feel less alone. Comparing myself to normal people is a guaranteed what to self-loathing and sadness. This sort of discussion goes a long way to encourage self-acceptance for me, so thank you everyone for your contributions.