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BlossomingLen
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BlossomingLen "Good nomnoming!"
 
Member Since: Dec 2015
Location: Florida
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Trig Feb 19, 2021 at 05:50 AM
 
[ TW - Mentions of Self Harm, Weight, Repetition, and Isolation ]


Lately, something has been going on with me. I have no clue what it is.

My mental health has been on a slow, yet steady decline as of lately. I hardly ever speak to anyone anymore. Along with me hardly ever doing anything. I don't take care of myself at all. I haven't been eating well. In my eyes, it's either far too little or too much.

My days have been the same thing on repeat. Yet I can't seem to break out of the cycle. Listening to the same music, watching the same things, looking at the same four walls, talking to the same couple of people, everything is the same.

I'm comfortable with that, yet I feel shameful, at the same time.

Along with that, there's this strange, looming feeling of anxiety over me. Involving everyone and everything I've ever known, I'm beginning to doubt it. I'm doubting all of it. So much so that I've been struggling with contemplating self-harm.

I haven't hurt myself in a long time. Maybe in around two years or so? Yet now of all times, my head is spiraling and telling me to do it. I don't get what's going on. To be honest, it's driving me up the wall.

I've been trying to sleep it off tonight, yet I can't fall asleep. It's bugging me.

I realize it might have something to do with the repetition and isolation from others. Maybe my mind is wanting me to find stimulation in some form. So it's trying to resort to something harmful. Yet I know that I don't want to do that. I also don't know how to break out of this monotony. It's suffocating, yet comforting.

At the same time, I have no idea if it's that or not. Because I've been living this way my entire life. My whole life has been within these four walls, speaking to the same people, seeing the same things, nothing is different. I don't get why it would come crashing down now of all times.

I just know that I only started realizing how much I wanted to hurt myself recently. A familiar feeling that's returned to me. Even though I despise it so, so much. It's hard to cope.

Basically, long story short, I've realized that these feelings of self-harm and potentially worse have returned in my life. Pretty much out of nowhere. Yet nothing about my life has changed since I had left this behind. I don't know what to do.

This was a long vent, yet I do want some form of advice, if that's okay. How do I overcome these urges? I realize that's a pretty loaded question. If that's no good, then could I hear some of your experiences from these types of problems? Any bit of response would be appreciated.


Thank you so much for reading. Have a wonderful day.
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