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laughnotcry
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laughnotcry has no updates.
 
Member Since: Feb 2021
Location: Kansas
Posts: 6
3 yr Member
Default Feb 19, 2021 at 09:04 AM
 
Thanks for the input. He probably does need to be in a supported living situation, but he is not open to that, at least right now.

I have written out what I am prepared to do for ES (elder son) and what I am not prepared to do. One difficulty is that ES seems to equate helping him with love. He most often calls when he wants help with something. I think he likes the feeling that comes from being helped. Dh (dear husband) is struggling with this. ES will ask for something, like advice on which day has the best weather forecast for his girlfriend to drive to her out of state parents. Dh is a helpful person and likes to do things for people. But then ES ends up asking more questions than expected, or he doesn't respond (after dh spends time researching and sending him information).

Dh and I have spoken with ES several times since I last wrote. We communicated that we have our own needs and ES can not come and live with us to "get better", which we don't believe is the reality of what would happen anyway

Dh reminded ES what it was like last time he lived here, how we have different priorities in life, and that ES could not wait to leave again. So, for now ES is coming to visit and sleep over for 2 nights while his girlfriend leaves for Oklahoma. He is bringing his 2 dogs, but not his cat. We don't currently know which day ES wants picked up - today, or tomorrow, or possibly even another day, if his girlfriend delays leaving. I am approaching this as I would having another house guest: I have my schedule for meals, dog walks etc; I provide a place to sleep (I am loaning the guest room to you for your stay); you follow the house rules (be courteous like a guest would).

It's hard to know what kind of state ES is really in, without medications on-board. I suspect he gets out of bed to take care of his dogs and then goes back to bed and sleeps for much of the day. I think he and his girlfriend still prepare and eat dinner, but that would be later in the day than we eat. I will explain our schedule to him as if he were staying with a wider family member (he knows what that is like, because all of our family is out of state and he has been to stay with them).

It doesn't help that we recently had to say goodbye to dh's 14+ yr old dog - ES, dh and I are still sad about that. Petting dh's dog was good therapy.
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