Dear T,
Yeah, I wasn't ready to talk about either of those things today. I think I just needed the connection to still be there and not threaten it with anything. And of course you shared a couple minor disclosures, but nothing too earth-shattering. Just the wide selection of pillows in your guest room that you and your wife have rejected over the years. And your having to cover up the light from your alarm clock to sleep.

You looked like you were wiping tears again, when I was talking about stuff with D and school. Is it weird that I just sort of look at you wordlessly when you do that? I like seeing you without your reading glasses on for a minute because that's how I would see you in your office, so it feels more like *you*. And you look a little vulnerable in those moments--which is why I feel maybe I should look away. But it's not like you look away if I'm crying my eyes out, so I think it's OK...

Anyway, as much as, in some ways, I feel like I should be addressing certain concerns with you, I think right now, I just need the relationship to be OK. I generally like where it is right now, even as I worry about some of the disclosure. And that it seems you may be putting your personal thoughts vs. your therapist thoughts into things. I was upset with how you handled some things last week, but we talked through that. I think maybe I need to apply some of what you said today in regard to something else--to not try to think of all the ways it could go wrong, because that's not going to help me. Maybe you're just sharing more right now because you feel it will help me. And/or you're just in a more relaxed mindset, sitting in your sweatshirt in your house. And maybe it's OK, because of what's going on in the world right now. It's not doomed to go the way of ex-MC just because you're disclosing more. You are not him. And, for that matter, I'm not the same person now that I was when I was seeing him.

Love,
LT