So Sorry that you're struggling. i agree with all the other wise and wonderful posters and their absolutely wonderful suggestions. Please do try to see if there any alternatives near you that you can actually afford and perhaps try to see if there are some self-help books or others resources. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Lionheartt, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!