Being nasty to one’s spouse is literally never ok. And one time is one time too many. There is no reason to tolerate nastiness. I am with you on that

Having said that, I wonder if it’s more about communication than giving approval? I don’t need anyone’s approval about anything. But we still communicate to each other when we want to get new cars, simply because I think it’s a good thing to do. Not approval. Although I’d probably tell my husband to check his head if he wanted to buy Lamborghini, other than that extreme we don’t care.

But communicating is kind of important. I mean we don’t tell each other ahead of time if we buy pair of shoes or a new coat. I’d not be communicating that. But a major thing like a car we would chat about. But again everyone’s marriage is different. It depends on how you normally communicate. I personally do not like surprises (beyond like normal gifts type of thing), anything major please no surprises. My husband doesn’t mind surprises. Everyone is different

Would he listen to you about the fact that he can’t be nasty to you?. If he wants more communication, he needs to spell it out politely. “Honey I am happy you got a truck you wanted but you know I get flustered with surprises, could you give me heads up about major things like that?”

Just my thoughts. Everyone’s marriage is different. Every couple has their own communication style. Everyone’s financial situation is different.