When I was 15, I had a very minor/trivial thing happen that still gets stuck in my mind sometimes even though I happened almost 27 years ago.

Mom was going to drive my grandfathers old Chevy Silverado pick-up which my parents had gotten when he died a few years before to the garden store to get plants and soil for our garden, and I was having to sit in the middle because it was my 11 year old sisters day to choose where to sit.

I remember when I was ready to go, mom told me to go out to the truck and sit in the middle. When I tried to argue about sitting in the middle she told me she didn’t have time for that and escorted me out to the truck and told me to get in and buckle-up. A few minutes later, my sister was opening the passenger side door and then sitting down in the passenger seat to my right. I remember we had to wait in the truck for what seemed like forever for mom and that she kept invading my space which made me uncomfortable. It was the longest time I ever remember having to wait in a vehicle.

I remember after we had been waiting for probably 15-20 minutes, mom was finally locking-up the house and then opening the drive side door and sitting down in the driver seat on my left. Once she was in, she closed her door and then put the key in the ignition and started trying to start the truck. I remember she kept turning the key and pumping on the gas pedal, but the instead of starting-up each crank ended with a buzzing sound and a dash full of red lights. I remember after spending several minutes she went back in the house to call my dad and see if he had any suggestions for getting the truck to start and told us to sit tight in the truck. I remember when she came back out, the battery went dead after spending a few more minutes trying to start the truck and we ended-up taking her van to the garden store instead.

For some reason, since that time it has been uncomfortable for me to ride in the middle; wait in a vehicle; or buckle my seatbelt before the driver gets in. I have no idea why that one event has had such a strong impact.

Normally, I do not even think about the actual memory but for some reason when I am dealing with stress and anxiety this memory can get back in my mind with very vivid details and be difficult to get out of my mind. It has been especially hard to shake the past several months as I am dealing with all the stress and anxiety of almost a year of dealing with the Coronavirus. I would love to try to find a way to be able to better handle this memory and the anxiety it causes when I think about it.

I know this event was very minor and was not a big deal, that I was in the truck for less than 30 minutes that day and that we still went where we were planning to go just in a different vehicle. Looking back, I think the reason I struggle with this memory so much is because of when it happened in my life and how my 15 year old mind perceived everything. I know it was a time in my life when I was in a power struggle with my parents for more control over things and that I really bothered me that mom had the control to tell me where to sit in the truck; when to get in; and when to put on my seatbelt. I think at that age it also really bothered me that I had to just sit and wait for mom to get in the truck and when while she was trying to start it. I also remember as a 15 year old boy, I thought it was humiliating that mom was giving my younger shorter sister the window seat and the only thing worse than me being in the middle and my sister by the window was that mom was driving. At the time, they were the last people in the world I wanted to have to sit between.

I wanted to post about this as I am really getting tired of having this memory stuck in my mind and don’t see it going away anytime soon since there is still so much uncertainly about when things will get back to normal again. I am hoping some other users may be able to give me some tips of pointers for dealing with this memory and not having it bring about such unpleasant feelings and emotions when I have it.

My apologies for advance for the wordy post. In the event, I have posted this in the wrong location, feel free to move to the correct place.