I have been married more than 33 years and appreciate that my husband has been loyal and caring but he also sometimes "blows up" and says VERY hurtful words. I now realize that some of it is anxiety. However, some of it was that I didn't have good boundaries--I had a tendency to become too enmeshed in relationships (it wasn't just my husband) which made it hard to see when I need to put my foot down, stand up for myself, etc. I am a lot less enmeshed now--though I do have occasional flare-ups. This video explains really well what I mean about enmeshment:
HEAL #1 | Enmeshment, Detachment & Interdependence | Relationships - YouTube