My wife and I used to live across the country. Even with a baby, we traveled to see grandparents and aunts uncles over 5x as much as anyone came to us.

We moved specifically to be closer to family about 13 years ago. We told them we wanted them all as connections for our growing family. We were able to get work within a few hours of where everyone else lives.

Since that time, we had my parents with us for a holiday once. My siblings have been here twice (total 3 days) ever in 13 years. No holidays.

In 2013 my wife began having real health problems. So did one kid. Over the next 3 years I asked for support quite a lot. We still went there. Not reciprocated.

In 2017 I blew my cool. Big. I told everyone off, and pointed this stuff out bluntly. I said, my kids are the only grandkids in the family. You all need to start showing more interest. This is way too one sided. I said, we need some support here. I can put you all up, and feed everyone for Christmas. Instead, they hosted a party for other family at their home in 2017. Did it Again in 2018.

What do you say to 200+ ballgames and never a family member in attendance. Never someone at a school concert or recital. I can say, I never missed one. Nothing, ever. Spouse went depending on health, always. She was committed to the kids too.

My wife and I have had our issues, but DANG she was committed to having my family in our lives. Whenever someone did come, she rolled out the red carpet. She told them all she loved them and wanted them in our lives. She told them her health made traveling really hard. She begged them for more involvement, and more connection.

In the last few years, nothing changed. We went for a visit for 4 days last year, and while there, a cousin invited grandparents for supper. I declined, saying we had plans made for the kids to have time with the grandparents on their last day of summer vacation before we went home. My parents instead broke plans and went to cousins. I said, you do that, don't ever say again my kids are any kind of priority to you. They still went.

Heck... We've been invited for Christmas and arrived to an empty house because they changed their plans and went to church with other relatives a day early. One year a toddler got really sick (ER sick) on Christmas day and we were told we'd have to leave for home because it would interfere with the distant cousins who were coming that evening for a visit. Yup, I blew my cool then too. I said, we're staying, and my kids can be important for today. If you don't call everyone and cancel, I will. Nothing changed in following years.

I had this longing homesickness in me for years. Whenever I pointed this stuff out, I was asked why I was being difficult. Why couldn't I be more positive.

Never once an apology.

God.... I'm exhausted from writing that.

See, they are all HIGHLY regarded in the community and our large extended family. I think that image takes priority.

So, I'm viewed as difficult. By remaining distant, I look like the issue to all those extended family too. But I'm more at peace now. I encourage the kids to call and FaceTime here and there, but that's it.

I don't think it was me that was difficult.

RDM