The "thing" is called verbal abuse. The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans saved my life. I got a divorce after 31 years of verbal abuse. It took all of my courage. One sentence helped me. "Try to let the side of you that is trying to save yourself. win." Verbal abuse also affects your immune system....every time you hear it, cortisol is released, and cortisol affects you physically....damages the immune system. Verbal abusers are angry people, and haven't resolved whatever issues they have, and take their anger out on others. They will rarely admit to their abuse. Abusers are emotional vampires....they want and need.....you to continually explain, respond to what they say.