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Originally Posted by TishaBuv
You expressed your feeling about not wanting the truck anymore, after he yelled at you about buying it. I can relate to this feeling, if I am understanding you correctly. Are you addressing how his turning the truck purchase into a struggle made you lose your feelings of joy about it? Has he done this to you about other things, too?
Was it far out of character for you to buy the truck without discussing it with him? His reaction depends on how your relationship is normally functioning. There are no right/wrong ways here, only how people decide to be in their communication.
Personally, I would buy shoes without discussing...but not expensive ones without discussing, lol. A vehicle purchase without discussion is unimaginable for me.
I agree, the nasty, hurtful treatment between people who supposedly love each other is not okay. It’s good to say ‘enough’, don’t engage, walk away, try to stop it from happening with better communication.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes
Often "the Thing" turns out to be when one does something that empowers them and gives them a sense of accomplishment for self and someone else devalues it or behaves in a way that turns it into something negative. This tends to be something that triggers ptsd symptoms when someone struggles with ptsd. And if it's cptsd, it can go way back for someone to something that person experienced in their childhood growing up.
The fact that you don't even want the truck now tells me that it's not so much the truck but that you were so happy when you got it and someone else ruined that for you. So, it's the feeling of that itself that you want no part of.
Does that describe the "Thing"?
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I routinely make $100 purchases on anything I want and make $200 purchases too (knowing on some things--like groceries and a few other things, it is OK); however, my husband would not be happy with me making purchases over that amount (the exception right now is hotel rooms for our son--we have agreed that this is OK, so long as he is working) without consulting me. And he would not make a large purchase without consulting me. Not that I think that all marriages should have this rule. If your husband makes purchases this large without consulting you then perhaps what you did was within the framework of the expectations you have in your marriage. I think the real issue is why you feel so bad about what happened and how to use that information to improve either yourself or your marriage. When we feel really bad, we need to listen to what our emotions are saying. Also, IMO, if we have PTSD, sometimes our emotions get exaggerated and we have to weigh where they are coming from....