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*Beth* · 05:29 PM

Thanks to each of you for your replies.

I've just finished reading a book called Hurry Down Sunshine (thanks, Moose ). It was written by the father of a young woman who had a psychotic break and was ultimately diagnosed with BD1. The girl's (she's fifteen in the book) psychosis/mania was extreme. Severe. She was profoundly snapped from reality, entirely out of control; there was no choice but to IP her.

The memoir got me to thinking about the diagnosis of bipolar 1. Personally, I have never had a psychotic break in which I was entirely unable to reality check. My pdoc is set on the diagnosis of BD1 and, although I have brought up my hesitation about the dx with her, she remains firm, as does my therapist. Last time I was taken to the hospital (by the cops) I was in a terrible rage. I was furious; I did have a valid reason to be angry - but not to the intensity of rage I was in. (btw, I didn't need the cops to intervene, nor did I need to go IP...I had posted something on Facebook that prompted my cousin to make the foolish decision to call 911. I just needed to be left alone to calm myself down).

When I got to the hospital I was angry and on edge, but I was able to reign in my anger enough to convince them to release me the following day. In fact, if anything I was more focused and clear-minded than I normally am.

I don't have borderline personality disorder; I am diagnosed with CPTSD (which is a fitting dx).

The literature on BD1 is so all over the place, it's nearly impossible to discern what it really means to have the illness.