Quote:
Originally Posted by kittykatheartlove
I have been a plus size girl all my life, 200lbs, but portioned with big boobs and hips. I joined a dating site a couple months ago, but it seemed that guys that matched me only wanted hookups or they were creepy. But met a guy and we talked for a few weeks in texts and phone calls for hours a night, and made plans to meet. The night before he said he 425lbs. Since we made plans, we went out. He is very round with a lot of extra pounds on his front and back, legs are heavy but a lot smaller than his torso. Think ex hs and college football athletes. But I really like him, he has a cute face (why I swiped right) and I usually go by if I can look in their eyes and want to see that forever, it doesn't matter body shape. But, idk if I can ever be physically attracted to him. He's definitely a 9.5 out of 10 for compatibility. Similar life stories, childhoods, marriages, we like the same things. We both have c-ptsd and can relate a lot about that. He's patient and kind. His hobbies even align with mine. Only thing I took a half point from is because he's a little too quick to want a relationship. He's already told his boss and friends about me and how happy he is we met.
He had gastric bypass years ago, and he lost 180 lbs. He exercises, so I know he's working on losing more weight. He's so eager, I got him to cut I his mountain dew intake from 6-16 Oz bottles to 2 a day, and we replaced it with water. He's been single for a couple years, since his divorce. So he wasn't taking good care of himself, now he's more determined to get healthier- because of me he said.
I never in my mind thought I'd "judge" by body type, I feel so guilty. I'm so confused. Do I go with my heart and hope I'll live him enough eventually to look past it, or end things now before it gets too serious? Ugh! Big sigh!
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Hello Kittykatheartlove,
The appearance should always be secondary... what matters the most is how he treats you and his personality. I do have some concerns about him...you mention about him pushing this relationship too quickly.. If you find this troubling and you feel uncomfortable about it.. you really do need to tell him to tone it down a notch and lay down some boundaries.. he doesn't need to be telling his boss and friends about you, and how happy he is that you both met. To me that's the beginning of emotional entrapment.
I also found this paragraph to be a red flag...
“He had gastric bypass years ago, and he lost 180 lbs. He exercises, so I know he's working on losing more weight. He's so eager, I got him to cut I his mountain dew intake from 6-16 Oz bottles to 2 a day, and we replaced it with water. He's been single for a couple years, since his divorce. So he wasn't taking good care of himself, now he's more determined to get healthier- because of me he said.”
He's a full grown man with physical health problems.. He should be taking care of himself.. not having you to tell him to reduce his mountain dew intake. I think hes searching for an emotional support caretaker more than anything else. Why is he heavily relying on you to get healthier all of the sudden? Why can't he do it himself if hes truly determine?