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Bill3
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Member Since: Mar 2009
Location: USA
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Default Feb 23, 2021 at 01:02 AM
 
Considering you to be a blessing and amazing is completely consistent with her continuing to be in a relationship with him. You are a blessing to her, you are amazing. But she may still be attached to him.

You might want to do some research about people who choose to stay with abusers.

One big reason is fear. You must consider that it could well be unsafe for her, and/or for her children, to contact you when he is around, or to actually break up with him, even if she wanted to. She might even need to go to a shelter at an undisclosed location to get away from him.

Also, this guy sounds capable of wanting to harm you. Why was he in prison for several years?

I'm proud of you for what you said too. I wouldn't call it "giving up". I would call it "facing reality". You've made it clear that you are still interested. Despite that, she chooses to stay with another man, for whatever reason. You can care for her and have sympathy for her but still want to have your life free of ongoing pain, free of a woman who is not available to you.

To get free of her, you might want to go no contact. Reasons for going no contact with her are (1) she isn't available, and (2) right now she gets the "best of both worlds" and doesn't need to make a decision. Possibly she will choose you if she has to make a choice. Possibly not. But either way you will know where you stand.

When I say "no contact", I mean you could tell her to call you when she is ready to have an exclusive relationship, and you will see if you are still available. Until that time, she won't hear from you, even though you will be thinking of her.

Easier said than done. But if you don't protect yourself, there is a good chance that life will continue as it is right now. How would that be for you?
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