The therapist said that she was back to back all day and cut the patient before me short by five minutes because she needed a short break. She said that she cut that person short instead of moving me back by five minutes and text messaging me that she would be running late because she thought that it would be upsetting to me. When I noted that she was one minute late, she got upset and shared the above with me – that she had already cut the person before me short by five minutes for me – but that I was still disappointed in her and that I was setting up an impossible standard for her.

One, it's her problem that she schedules patients back to back. Two, I never took issue with it when she would drop me a note that she would be running three or five minutes late. It's when she runs late – even by a minute – and doesn't acknowledge it or give me my minute back that upsets me. Even then, there have been times when she was a minute or two late, and I didn't say anything about it. But last night, I did.

The therapist said that she can't text me to let me know that she'll be a minute late because then she would be another minute late. That's fine. I guess a minute late is no big deal? But somehow that one minute makes me anxious because I'm worried that something bad might have happened to her. We didn't get to explore it in too much detail. She said that the likelihood of her falling ill and missing our time is very slim. But thinking about it logically in that way doesn't help. My mind is still thinking "what if" and "but you never know."

When I said to her that I never took issue with her being late during those times when she would drop me a note to let me know that she's running three or five minutes late, and that in the future, she could do that instead of cutting the person before me short, she responded defensively, "I get to make the decisions and handle it how I want to." ?!?! I was trying to tell her it's okay for her to be late; just don't leave me hanging in the dark and worried.

I just feel like time and time again, the therapist reacts from her personal countertransference feelings. We repair. But I feel like we keep on getting into these little fights, repair, and only to fight again. I feel she's too relational. It's tiring. I never get to talk about therapy material anymore because we just get into these fights every Monday evening and repair the next two times we meet and only for a fight to happen again the next Monday.

I'm her last patient on Monday. I told her that I don't want to do Monday evening again because she's usually tired. We both acknowledged that telehealth is more exhausting than in person therapy. She would have the stamina to see patients at 6pm in person but not since the pandemic when we moved to remote work.