I think everyone (or at least almost everyone) who has this obsession starts out feeling guilty. But, over time, people come to terms with it and even find they can take pleasure in it. Yes it is something that is outside of the mainstream, so to speak. And it is an obsession perhaps that most people who have it prefer to keep to themselves. But there's nothing wrong with it. It's not hurting anyone (except perhaps you because you feel guilt about it.)

No one knows why some people acquire this obsession (or any other obsession really.) But there are more people who have it than I, at least, would have ever imagined. That is, I think, where forums such as Adisc can be really helpful. One comes to realize that one is far from alone in one's desire for incontinence and love of diapers. And, at least to my mind, knowing one is not alone is an important early step toward acceptance... perhaps along with some mental health therapy if that is something that is of interest.

So, if you find yourself doing so, please try not to beat yourself up over your obsession with incontinence and diapers. Actually, I suspect, feeling guilty and beating yourself up over your obsession may itself make the obsession stronger. Finding acceptance will make having the obsession easier to live with. Plus it may gradually lessen the obsession's power. I obviously don't know anything about your living situation, or what (if anything) you're doing to assuage your incontinence obsession. But one thing I have found, in general with these sorts of things, is that the thoughts that arise around the obsession often have much more power than whatever it is one does to indulge it. Sometimes if one can find ways to indulge an obsession (safely & discreetly of course) it has a way of deflating the whole thing.