I have been serious about my treatment, fighting to get treated, and advocating for myself for a very long time now. I am doing everything "they" tell me, "they" being my actual treatment team, the people who know me. "They" told me to try a bunch of meds I didn't want, and I did it anyway (still doing it). "They" told me to go for ECT, so I did, only to get ****ed over by the so-called doctors who are supposed to deliver the treatment, who don't know me and think they have a right to decide based on one conversation that they're not going to help me.

I found out the hard way that advocating for myself with arrogant doctors who won't listen is the fastest way to get them to hate me and not want to help me. The problem is not that I am not willing to do what needs to be done. The problem is that ****ing Pdocs can't even agree amongst each other about what needs to be done, so I keep getting blocked at every turn when I try to get treated. So tell me, how am I supposed to get better when every time I try to follow one doctor's advice, it gets blocked by another one? I don't have the time nor the energy for a wild goose chase. All I want is to be able to commit to a treatment that works without another doctor coming along with their own little opinion and contradicting everything I'm trying to do.