The stress/anxiety was too much for me last night. I had to take an Ativan. I'm starting to dread sleeping in the bed upstairs. The only bed we have at this moment. I am locked against the wall, a horrible feeling! When exhausted from labor, stress, and Seroquel XR it is painful doing the figurative gymnastics needed to get out of it, but I must not just in the morning, but midnight trips to the bathroom. Hubby hasn't once offered to switch places. He wouldn't want to. I told him I may finally move downstairs to the futon. Without him.

Part of the anxiety in trying to fall asleep is that I quickly wake up with a start and fear of suffocating. I don't have sleep apnea. I believe it is related to the horrible experience of anesthesia awareness one time during a first ECT treatment. I am also slightly disturbed by the hand and sometimes feet tingling and numbness I only experience upon awakening or falling asleep. This latter is not related to past anesthesia awareness, but likely my blood pressure medication or something else. I have experienced this for many weeks now in various beds, so I can't blame a bed. However, during my anesthesia awareness episode, I was paralyzed by the succinylcholine, which caused the greatest terror. Any feeling like that is bound to exacerbate matters.

We're having an ant infestation in our bathroom and kitchen. It started with a few, now there's an army. Hubby is waging war on them. I hope they go away or die off soon.