i don't think you're crazy and i think i can partly relate although i usually end up avoiding confrontation because of my laziness, although that is rather shameful. Are you currently seeing a therapist? i feel like that may help to cope with your struggles. It perhaps won't be easy but it is good to at least try to work on it one step at the time. i'd also suggest to limit your time on social media as they can potentially increase aggresive behavior and if it happen irl try to change subject or move away. So Sorry if this post wasn't particularly helpful but i do Hope that things will improve soon. Do not give up. Stay strong and calm. You deserve much better. Definitely try your best. Hugs. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @norwegianwoman, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!