I have to share this too. I was in a internet cafe (this was a thing back in the day) and the girl who was working there asked me if I could watch out for a computer there and I said "okay". I was 8 or maybe 9 years old back then...and a guy in his 20s came and got in the computer she told me to watch out for.
10 minutes later the girls came back and saw that someone was using the computer she told me to watch out for...I remember her screaming "BIGHEAD, you piece of ****, i told you to watch out for the computer, dumbass"...I felt a tight sensation in my chest and quickly left the place.
I really used to love women because I had this huge love for my mother, who was constantly abused by my dad and I thought that all women go through this abuse. Hearing all those nasty words from her really hurt me...but I moved on.

This was my strategy "moving on" or "escapism" ... I had no defensive mechanisms, because all I knew was emotional violence from my father and I had no real way to deal with that, so I started "disappearing" to keep my safety. Making myself bold and strong would imply me standing up to my father and that was a NO-NO for me...