Please share your experience with paranoia or paranoid thoughts.

I had paranoia and occasionally have paranoids thoughts. In 2007 a good friend of mine got stabbed in the back by a thug, than later in 2009 another friend of mine nearly got stabbed by some ultras fans and somehow I got involved in the situation and ended up getting life threats from them. I didn't make it a big deal, until after a few weeks I started feeling very alone and suddenly started thinking about my own death. I started thinking about me getting stabbed, this idea brought horror in my mind and body. I would constantly have visions of me getting stabbed in the back. I remember walking on crowded places and constantly waiting for someone to put a knife in my back, so i started avoiding crowded places.

Than the visions started changing a little bit, I was sure that a "friend" in my class would stab me one day. He was a little aggressive and a year before we had a little fight with each other. So i was sure that he is going to stab me with a knife. I was constantly having visions of him stabbing me in the abdomen and I could see his face, claiming victory over me. In my visions he would always hold a big knife in my belly and I was down, defeated.

In 2010 i moved on, nobody had killed me (haha) ...I joined the university and was studying 12h a day, so I could no longer think.

Since then I had 2 mental breakdowns, in 2011 I started having suicidal thoughts, yet i somehow managed to get through it.

A decade later, I am still healing from these experiences and writing this post is part of it.

Please share your experience or ask me questions.