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Old 02-25-2021, 09:31 PM  
Ian1963
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Member Since: Feb 2021
Location: Pretoria, South Africa
Posts: 3
Default Re: I need some advice

Thank you Amandalouise,

I am so happy for you and your wife that you can communicate. For my husband and I that is probably on of the main reasons for being in this situation.

For 30 years we never had the kind of communication that we should have had. Although we opened the communication lines, it is a very uncomfortable situation exercise for us. It is something neither are used to.

For the last 15 years I have really tried to pleasure myself on an almost daily basis, but although it takes away the immediate need, it does nothing to to satisfy the need for close physical intimacy. I am not talking sex, but just cuddling, kissing or simply spooning, which is also something lacking in our relationship right from the start of the relationship.

Just by writing this I am suddenly aware of just how barren our relationship is and that make me cringe.

I am well aware cheating is wrong and that as the two of us negotiate this crossroads in our lives the potential for disaster is much better than the potential for success.

We have taken a break from each other. My husband went to visit his sister in a town a couple of hours away and this gave me, and I really hope for him as well, some time to process all that happened in the first two weeks of the month.

The generational age gap tends to muddy the waters a hell of a lot. My husband is ultra conservative, I am much more open to alternative ideas. My husband tends to see everything in black and white, I tend to see all the grey areas in between.

I also think that not having friends to talk to also plays a roll in our current situation, but again, I never really opened up about my emotions even before I was raped.

I know therapy is probably the answer, but we cannot afford it and, living in South Africa, the public health services are pathetic.

I do hope when my husband returns we manage to come to a resolution. I simply cannot carry on this way and I am sure he must feel the same.
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