I've been following your thread @Werewoman, and I wouldn't call this abuse but rather communication issues with the two of you.

I think it's reasonable that your husband would want you to communicate about big changes to finances like a big payout and the purchase of a vehicle. If it were me, I can imagine that I would be perhaps taken aback that you hadn't mentioned it to me, and maybe, in a not so great moment, responded not so positively.

I don't think he's trying to trigger you. He is allowed his reactions too, and he is human, remember.

And of course you should be able to enjoy the purchase of a new truck. And you've been married long enough that he should know that perhaps this type of criticism will trigger you when given sharply. What I would like you to consider though is that even as your husband, is it his job to remember your triggers and avoid them? That would equate to tiptoeing around you. That's not really fair to him.

However, if there is a way you can ask him to very specifically raise these concerns because it triggers you, then he should be able to respect that request.

I hope I'm not invalidating, that's not my intent. What I think is in order is a discussion with the two of you on how he can best communicate his feelings, even when they are negative, and for you to handle them. I understand that this triggers you, and it also sounds like he is not so nice sometimes about your disability, which is not okay.

But it does also sound, from the way you describe your love for him, that you both could discuss very openly the best ways to communicate when these feelings arise. Like how he can best communicate his surprise and concern to you without triggering you but also in a way that allows you two to discuss it.

I think he might need to join like a family group for support or something like that. It is hard for family to cope with mental illness in the family, and they need a place to discuss without hurting family. Maybe he reacts poorly because he also could use support?

I think you deal with things so well, all things considered. The way you've thought this through and coped with your own triggers about it. Maybe your husband needs a place to deal with his own triggers?