I agree with seesaw, and I really wanted to put more focus on "the thing" that triggers you. Thinking about you got me thinking about "the thing" that challenges me as well. It tends to stem from wanting to have one's own power, freedom to feel happy and having that challenged by a controlling negative presence. This can be something that repeatedly happened in one's past/childhood.

Others don't live in our head like we do, they don't have our history and our memory. So they don't always understand our triggers. Communication can be challenged because of this. I believe that you wanted to feel the freedom of what it means to have some money and get to go out and buy what you want. You ended up experiencing a reaction that triggered you to get angry and reject instead. It was not the car, it was wanting to get it the way YOU wanted.

Your husband reacted in a way that triggered a "kill joy" in you. My guess is that it's not him being abusive but he got triggered and concerned instead of giving you the reaction you wanted. I think your husband does try to understand you and he tries to be patient. It's just that "thing" that challenges you that he can't seem to get yet. That is what I wanted to focus on with you. I can struggle with that myself and it's very hard to articulate.

I don't think the response of "he is abusing you" is a fit. Instead he gets triggered and confused and has tried very hard to be patient with you.