Quote:
Originally Posted by ArtieTheSequal
I absolutely concur with your guess of the good girl thing, messages from childhood stuff as I am still dealing with the effects of that. It's more complicated than just a person not wanting to take responsibility (which I've been accused of). You feel in your very bones that you have to be perfect somehow in order to be loved, but since no one can be perfect, you just always feel like you're not enough, so if you want to quit something for instance, you feel like you have to have permission somehow or you'll be in trouble with the universe or something. I don't know if I'm making any sense at all.
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Yes, all of this. For a few years, I was co-chair of the communications committee for a local all-volunteer public health organization. Once the pandemic started and H and D were home all the time, it felt like the organization was just another stressor. I wanted someone to give me permission to quit. H was in favor. But then Dr. T seemed concerned I'd be cutting off another connection to the outside world. I was mad that he seemed against it, like, "No, this is a self-care thing, you need to encourage this, damn it!!!"
I ended up stepping down (after being sure it was being left in good hands), and it's one of the better decisions I've made in the past few years. It took a weight off my shoulders. Maybe I'll join again if/when things return to semi-normal, but sometimes you just need to take something off your plate. And that's OK.