It's hard to get pre-conceived thoughts out of your head. Maybe I could ask for a guided tour with my sister with me? Not sure if they would do that or not. Maybe I should talk to my T and pdoc about that. Of course, this would alarm my sister since I always lie to her and tell her I don't get these feelings anymore. Not sure how well this would go over with her or the rest of my family for that matter. They'd probably trust me even less than they do now, if that's even possible.

I'd rather phone you instead but this all happened the night of your accident even though I didn't know about it then.

You could always come and hold my hand? Yea, I know, very unrealistic but it's what I'd want, besides if I was with you or at least could talk to you on the phone I wouldn't be suicidal anymore. Your love for me has always pulled me out of the abyss every time after you talk with me. This was the only time you weren't available since I've known you.