Oh thanks all... (((((((((((Silver, FLUFF, Miss Charlotte, Rip))))))))))))

sorry - i was in a really bad place when i wrote. Not that anything's changed, but maybe i just needed to get all that out and all the anger, tears, frustration, humiliation, out. I'm terrible at problem solving, so I do appreciate all the suggestions.
Miss, I haven't been selling my art (and thank you for the compliment!). It's been a while since I've sold any. Rather, it's always for sale, but I haven't done any marketing.

I think i forgot how to stay positive. I do have some work, but it only pays once a month (teaching) and I only have 4 days on the next (first) pay schedule.

My poor mum - I was crying so hard I scared her - she was biting her lip while trying to calm me down, holding me upright while i sobbed over the kitchen sink. I tell ya, it was like the 100 year flood - just all the stuff you know? All the grief I haven't had access to, all the unfair things, all the sweat blood tears, all the furstrations and just keep stuffing it, putting on a"good face" and keep walking. It just all came out. I feel sorry for the guy who got the brunt of it on the phone with me, too. I bet he was thinking "WHY ME? Why do i get all the crazy lunatic ppl crying over the phone?!"

Again, thanks for all the suggestions - I do need to check out those options... need to see if any place with emergency food has foods that won't kill me. Can you imaging? Hi, i need food, oh not that kind.... "beggers can't be choosers". yet i'm allergic to 90% of food.

ok i need to get a grip. Silver already ripped off the KICK ME sign ((((((((((((silver))))))))))))) so everything bad that's gonna happen already did. RIGHT?! right. so things have to get better from here. they have to.