yeah, chaotic, t is. at one point she started talking about options and ins fraud and i started hyperventlating. so we had to talk through that one (or talk me down from the rafters) and confirm that i have committed no such thing and that everything will be alright. t has a plan. t said i have to put this all behind me because i have enough on my plate with the ptsd and the parts switching and flashbacks.... not to mention trying to get healthy physically, get work, and that i am in finals this week. (feeling that dizzying, faint, lighheaded feeling again).

i admit, part of my upsetness around all of this is that i feel it makes me look dodgy - like someone who tried to play the system or hoodwink ppl or take advantage of. and that's so not me at all - completely out of character. i was born with a set of rules and values and i live by them to a tee. To have myself in this position now of 2 months no ins when i was receiving services (because i honestly thought and was assured they'd be covered)..... i ...i..... *gulp*. it goes against the very essence of who i am as a person. and i hate it. Like Harry Potter 5 and Crouch freaking out because his house elf connected him with the Dark Arts. (don't mind me - i read a lot of harry potter when stressed).

***breathing***

wow - i had a lot to vent. thanks to anyone who read this far.