I'm having a bit of a bad day. Woke up at 6 AM, too restless to sleep but too tired to get up. I'm feeling really down. I don't have the energy anymore. I've been fighting for so long just to not sink into a deep depression. Fighting and fighting, but there is no reward. And no end in sight. The loneliness is killing.

And if we do eventually all get vaccinated and go back to the office.... I'll still have AvPD. I'll be the weird, quiet one who takes a long time to connect to anyone. We'll all have been working together for some time and I'm sure most people will quickly adapt. But I can't :/

Gigs take time to plan. So that won't be happening for a while either, even when it's allowed. And my favourite band - I doubt they will be back after 2 cancelled tours. Who knows which venues will even survive?

I miss the positive interaction with people. But I do still get the negative Customers complaining in my job. Constant noise from my neighbours.

I know everyone is struggling. And people might not have the energy to spend on anyone outside of their direct family/partner/whatever. But it would be nice to know the people in my life haven't all forgotten I exist.

The roller coaster is driving me insane. Last week we had some sunny days and I was feeling more positive. I ordered a whole bunch of cosmetics online - new face wash, cream, mask, bodybutter and whatnot. Today I can't even look in the mirror. Feel like I wasted a ton of money on that stuff